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I am a psychopath who goes crazy all the time.
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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

when i see all the others going up to higher age squads,
17s, 19s and 21s,
i start to wonder,
will i be that good then?
why do i feel so negative towards netball?
will my passion die out?
can i make it up there someday?
will i make it into 17s again next year?
will i be better then the rest?
it's really amazing to see all of them go up to all the elite age groups,
i wish i can be that good too,
i really do,
i want to be like them and wow everyone,
i want to be good enough when the time comes,
i really wonder f i can.

i want to cherish all the 17s trainings, i don't really want to miss any trainings at all. but i'll be missing ALL of them once enl starts. EVERY SINGLE ONE. cos the blaze national league matches clash with 17s trainings on every wednesday night. i keep telling myself, okay next year, next year i'll be in the team, next year i'll make it there. but i sometimes wonder, will i even make it into the squad next year? i don't know, i really dont. my main position, midcourt, wasn't it? but now school coach is telling me to play shooter, blaze coach is telling me to be prepared to play defence with my sis cos not enough defenders, and 17s coach just made WA my first position, not Center. i like playing WA, i do. but i think i can do as well as a C. i don't know, maybe i can't. it's okay.

17s training, probably one of the last ones i'm attending tomorrow night. my one and only goal is to learn as much as i can, take in as much experience as i can from national league, and give it my all next year. looking forward to tomorrow, finally :)

posts like this help me find my priorities again and straighten out my thoughts :)
i feel like a retard.