i think i only post when i think about something all day long or when something bugs me alot. well, like now.
hmmm. first things first.
i dont like it when you give me stupid reasons as to why i can achieve stuff, be it academically or whatever, like by just saying "cos you're shini." honestly, the number of times i've heard that from everyone is a nauseating high. i never got what i have without all the hard work i put it. you have no idea. how much i studied, how much i practiced on extra questions, how much stress i put on myself. "Oh, she can do that cos she's shini" That is NOT and should never be a consolation to yourself. I don't go around with that kind of mentality and i think it sucks when you use that a lame, silly, stupid reason. So what if i'm shini? Do I not have the same eyes, same nose, same mouth, same ears, same arms, same fingers, same legs, same feet, same freaking butt as all of you? What the hell is your problem, man? I know i don't absorb very fast during lessons especially for all the new concepts and shit, but i make up for it by asking my parents or older bro about it, and i do spend as much time as you on extra studying. As long as you're in nush i believe you have proven yourself to have the capability to learn and understand difficult concepts no matter how long you take. all that matters is the amount of extra hours you put it, that amount of hard work. what kind of a reason is "because she's shini"?
second things second.
it sucks, not being in the front line of attackers. where's my chance to trial for the main 12? now that i don't even get a chance ot prove myself during trainings and show the best of my best to the coaches, i regret. i regret not pushing myself harder and telling myself what was at stake during selection trials, i regret not working hard during the 14s '09 season, i regret not trying my very best during every game and training. and now that 17s '10 training is sooo slack and only once a week, i have to cherish every single training and make the best out of it. maybe it's just me, but i feel really annoyed about not being given a chance to trial for the team which is gonna be fixed for the whole year, unlike in 14s. i know my standard of playing, i know how well i can play. on court, we're all the same girls, we all have 2 arms, 10 fingers, 2 legs, 2 feet, one head, one body. physically she has what i have, so hey, why cant i do what she can? i know i can. what makes us different? where's that bit of different that seperates me from the rest? FIND THAT DIFFERENCE, i know where it is. i know, and im gonna pull it up all the way and make it my strong, DIFFERENT, point. not being in the team sucks, but i cherish the fact that i'm even in 17s. i may be one of the youngest in the squad, but i am not the weakest. i'll show you. i'll show all of you. i still have 1, maybe 2 years to go to go have another try at 17s team, and soon, i promise you, soon i'll be there. but this year, this year i'm gonna work twice as hard, twice the effort. even though my school might be the weakest in netball compared to all of you, even though i might get the least school training, but i'll never give up. impossible. will. become. challenges.
and lastly.
i didnt get as far as i am academically and sports wise all cos of luck and talent and shit. i freaking worked for this. and i have a life. just cos you study all the time and your life is filled with projects and shit doesnt give you the right to say you're the busy one and im a slacker. i'm busy too, but with netball. hey, are you a national athlete? if no then shut the fuck up. and i dont like it when you put grades and studies in front of everything else. almost everyone does that in nush in fact. i hate it. calculating your CAP 2 months before the actual exams, calculating your overall grade for the module right after a quiz, what the fuck? and you call that a life? boasting about your academic achievements and representing the school and shit, oh please, you're an epicly brilliant fatass, where will that get you? who WOULD like you? oh right, your type of people. i can't stand people who care too much about their grades, honestly. to be more specific, i cant stand you, you, you and you. i wish you would just gtfo of my life but really sadly, i dont have a choice. no one tells me what to do and no one insults me, ever. you're not my mother and i dont like it when things dont happen my way. nothing gives you the right to say anything bad about me and if you or anyone dares to try that again i can and i will make your life miserable. i wish i never need to return to nush ever again. it's just different, okay? it's different from other schools, and everyone behaves differently. the grass seems greener on the other side maybe? oh hell yeah fucking green.
sometimes typing all this out sets my thinking straight again.
(if you haven't realised i've been refering to several people over these 3 paragraphs)
peace out.
You smile, I smile, whoa.
11:55 PM
Sunday, April 18, 2010