Biography

I am a psychopath who goes crazy all the time.
Did you know I throw balls?

it's getting closer now.

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Pastentries

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♥ November 2008
♥ December 2008
♥ January 2009
♥ February 2009
♥ March 2009
♥ April 2009
♥ May 2009
♥ June 2009
♥ July 2009
♥ August 2009
♥ September 2009
♥ October 2009
♥ December 2009
♥ January 2010
♥ February 2010
♥ March 2010
♥ April 2010
♥ May 2010
♥ November 2010
♥ January 2011
♥ May 2011

Creditorials

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Thursday, May 28, 2009

I ran today, Coach Noraida! I ran!!

I was reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows peacefully, reaching the climax of the story with my heart pounding rapidly against my chest..AND THEN, i received the dreaded news from a certain person that 2009 CAP was out on espace! so very obviously, being over excited, my heart went crazy and i was close to hyperventilation as i gingerly tapped the keys on the keyboard to type in the url of the school's website with trembling fingers. click, click and click. i found the page. i didnt dare to look. i placed one hand over my eyes, slightly tearing in fear of bad news and greater agony. i held my breath. this. was. it. prying my fingers away from the screen with deliberate slowness, i let out a blood curdling scream as i saw those 3 tiny little digits staring back at me from the screen. the miniscule 4, 3 and 4 seemed to wave at me, they seemed to be mocking me. my mouth fell open and my couldnt feel the steady pulsing of my heart against my chest any longer. time seemed to come to a nauseating crawl. i stared blankly at the bright screen and i bit the tip of my thumb as i pondered. Did i do so badly because of U14 netball? No, said a tiny voice in my head. I still did not want to believe it. again and again, i glanced at the screen, hoping, just silently hoping that the numbers would miraculously change. the crushing truth dawned upon me- i really did deprove. strangly enough, i did not start crying or express my sadness and disappointment. zhengwei looked over at my screen. immediately i could hear him start omging and he hurriedly accessed espace to look at his results too. i peeked over at his screen. 4.41. as if it wasn't a big blow for me receiving my results already. he started yelling, in joy. he started to say "i beat you!" to my face. i felt like smacking him. my hand twitched. i resisted and kept it down, safely by my side. and then he ran off to tell our parents, extremely happy that he had beaten me in studies for the first time in 6 years. i couldnt take it anymore. i felt my heart skip a beat as a surge of fury and rage swept over me. Tears, hot and angry, welled up in my eyes. i gritted my teeth and clenched my fists tightly, fighting away these tears. zhengwei re-entered the room, a wide grin plastered across his face. i shifted my gaze over to him, he looked like me. how i wished i could have been in his shoes then. i gave him a weak smile. he gleefully went back to his computer and starting informing his fellow classmates about his results. i cursed and swore in my mind. why why whyyyyyy.. "Ha! i studied much less than you and i still beat you!" zhengwei squeaked. Trying to add as much malice and iciness into my voice, i replied "whatever." and looked away hurriedly. i banged my head against the cool surface of the glass table, it was mind-numbing, yet refreshing. and then suddenly it struck me, i wanted to vent all my frustrations, channel all my emotions into a single place. so, hello blogger (:

after about 20 minutes of writing which seemed to calm me down, the knot in my chest seemed to finally loosen.

but still, i have to be abit vulgar and be a little chao ah lian-ish for a moment. bear with me for the next paragraph.

i would love to scream the f word now but i shall not. i lost to my brother. he got 4.41. what the hell is wrong with me!? i just cant seem to be consistent in my results. last year sem 1 to to this year sem 1, results have been: 4.18, 4.61, 4.34. results went up and then down again. and i won zhengwei in both semesters last year by like alot, like by 0.5!! and now i lost to him by 0.07. uhhhh..SCREW!?!!
i absolutely cannot stand seeing his smug little face now.
f*ck.
and now as i find out more about the results of my amazingly smart peers, i feel more and more depressed by every freaking second.
what the-
i dont even have any energy left to shout vulgarities.

blaze training tomorrow. i hope it will cheer me up.